This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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