recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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