that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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