I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
