You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
