Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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