I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
