Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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