enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
