She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize