Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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