So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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