I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
