he was CRYING into my vagina
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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