I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
