I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
