I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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