Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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