I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
