Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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