Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
