thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
