the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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