This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is my gift to your gina
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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