I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
