im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
