Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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