You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
