it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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