I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
