So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize