I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drunk is not a location!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
