I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
