Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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