My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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