A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
