I am puke
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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