Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Panties = found
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
