john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
