So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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