I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
