don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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