I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
