I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
