she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
