She said her name was "party"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
