I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize