I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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