and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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