after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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