We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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