Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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