He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
