just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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