No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
