you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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