puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
