you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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