I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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