I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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