I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
