In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
