ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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