I think my fart just growled at me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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