Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
