just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
