when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
