she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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