Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
