i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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