I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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