You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
