You made me cry and you don't even care
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
