I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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