I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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