Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
