i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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