In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
