I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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