ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
