I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
