The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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