Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
