I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Omg I joined a choir last night...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize