ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
