I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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