he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
